Murderbook - About The Deceased

This is Rowen, our friend who we killed (on Facebook). At this point, his Facebook account has been memorialized, meaning he can no longer access it. Which is unfortunate for Rowen, because he is a self-confessed Facebook addict, and uses the social networking site to hook-up with chicks. E-spading, if you will. So killing someone on Facebook is nothing to take lightly. There are serious consequences to killing someone (on Facebook). Luckily, we created a scapegoat to commit this murder on our behalf. This pseudo contract killer is Jessica.

Rowen is a quirky young lad, and uses Facebook as a medium to spread his mind's bizarre creations through countless status updates; metaphorically raping our home page with odd messages. According to official Facebook statistics, there are more than 60 million status updates posted each day, of which, fifteen million are posted by Rowen. This is why we took the law into our own hand and decided to kill Rowen (on Facebook).

To put it lightly, Rowen is a ladies man, which is why we knew he couldn't resist letting Jessica into his Facebook life. The hint of major boobage in her profile picture sealed the deal. Little did Rowen know that within days, this attractive young woman would morph into his older sister, thus allowing herself to kill Rowen (on Facebook).

One crucial element to killing Rowen (on Facebook) was to keep him off the Book for at least one week, as any access to his profile during this period would immediately jeopardise Jessica's plan. Fortunately, it was easy to establish a bet with Rowen, that he could not go without Facebook for an entire week. Remember, this is a person who coined the phrase "Facebook Fridays", an empty promise to himself about only Facebooking on Fridays. When he first announced this concept to us, we came very close to killing him in real life.

So Rowen is now dead (on Facebook), and almost certainly throwing a hissy-fit in real life at the notion of having to start his Facebook life again. However, even prisoners on death-row are allowed their last meal. So for this reason, we decided to treat Rowen to a nice Sunday full of activities. It just so happened that Jessica wanted to kill Rowen on Valentine's Day (this is an incestuous crime of passion after all). The fact that several males spent their Sunday going to the beach and then sitting down to pancake luncheon, was particularly homosexual. But we're professionals; you wouldn't hear Ted Bundy complaining about silly technicalities.

Now check this out:
The evidence
The killer
Share with your friends
Donate us drug money

If you would like to leave a message (obituary) for Rowen, you can send an email to rowen@murderbook.org. We'll review them for swearing and hate-speech, and will post the best ones here on the website. Speaking of hate-speech, if you are so inclined, please direct all hate mail to hate@murderbook.org. If it's entertaining, we'll publish it, too.

SHARE THIS SITE